Saturday, January 30, 2010

Happy Birthday Oprah!

Oprah--girl, please forgive me. I just realized that I forgot to call and wish you birthday greetings yesterday on Friday, January 29th. I know you were staring at your cell and saying to yourself, "Self, did Vanessa forget my birthday?" No, girlfriend I did not forget your birthday--how could I? You're the most celebrated friend I have.
I am however, still kinda annoyed at not receiving an invitation to your 50th birthday party. So much so til I practiced passive resistance and planned to call you at the last possible minute.
You will be happy to know that Renee and I went out and celebrated in your honor. We laughed til we cried and I then went home and crashed.
I hope you had a wonderful day and I pray that you are blessed with many more birthdays!
Your BFF
Vanessa--The Churchy One

The VChurch 2010 Bad "B" Award Winners

I have always wanted to develop and sponsor my own gala awards show. Until now I played with the idea of honoring the funniest comedians, outstanding humanitarians, most creative early childhood professionals, unsung ordinary people and the Stripper of the Year (we've all got a dark side). They are all excellent ideas for public tributes and I was just so undecided until today when I came up with The 2010 "Bad B" Awards; to be bestowed upon women who go above and beyond in their areas of expertise in motherhood. To qualify, a woman has to be a mother who has achieved or set a precedence that causes her extreme notoriety and one for which she has become famous or infamous, as you will. There will be a Winner and a First Runner Up.

This year, I don't need a prestigious panel of judges to help me decide the winner because I'm pretty clear on who the two baddest b's in the entire United States are...drumroll please.

The winner of the VChurch 2010 Bad "B" Award goes to Nadiya Suleman aka Octomom; This woman is no Punk! She is a single mother of 14 children all conceived artificially by the same frozen sperm donor; birthing 8 children at one time by Caesarian section; losing 150 lbs one year post-pregnancy; currently has eight one-year-olds in diapers--eight toddlers; subjecting herself and her children to public ridicule and scorn to capture fame and notoriety as a reality TV star, all while feeding her children on food stamps and Social Security. I'm sure you will agree--she is a 'Bad B'.

The First Runner Up VChurch 2010 Bad "B" Award goes to : Kate Gosselin aka Mega-Mom; reality tv show star and mother of twins and sextuplets; all conceived artificially--8 children total. Publicly humiliated into single mom status by a deadbeat husband.

Many of you know a woman who should be nominated for the VChurch 2011 Bad B Awards. Feel free to nominate her in the comments. Be sure to include WHY you feel this woman is a "Bad B."
The Churchy One

"Q" Re-records "We Are the World" for Haiti relief

Master musician, Quincy Jones, 76 year-old music legend says musicians are gathering in L.A. to record the 2010 version of "We Are the World." The proceeds will benefit Yele--a not-for-profit headed by Wyclef Jean, to help in Haitian earthquake survivor relief.
How fitting to re-release the Grammy Award winning song which was written by Lionel Richie and Michael Jackson 25 years later to benefit earthquake survivors. I hope some of the original artists perform in the recording.
Attaboy, Q!

My Friends are Grandparents and with that--Title Changes

I just found out that my friends, Horace and Susan Smith are officially grandparents. Hooray! Welcome to the club. You have just been elevated and you didn't even have to campaign. Ain't that wonderful?

But now that you have First Grandbaby Lillian, that does pose a slight dilemma--what are your new official titles to add to your ever-burgeoning arsenal of titles?
Horace, you have so many titles, that when I first met you I asked you which one should I use? You replied that "Pastor" would suffice, so I call you pastor but refer to you affectionately as 'Bishop' (hey, do I owe you tithes for that?) lol. Susan--I call Susan but refer to her affectionately as 'Sister Smith'.
But there are many others titles. For instance, Dr. Smith, Professor, Doc, Pastor, Bishop, Presiding Bishop, Diocesan Bishop, Presiding Prelate, Daddy, Horatio (Susan, I betcha thought I'd forgotten), Dr. Horace E. Smith, II, M.D., Rev. Dr, Nephew, Uncle, Cousin, Brother, and Son--just to name a few. And not to be outdone, Susan also has quite a few titles of her own: Susan Davenport Smith, Pharmacist; Sister Smith, First Lady Susan, First Lady of the 14th District, First Lady of the P.A.of W., Niece, Auntie, Sister, Daughter, Wife, and Mommy--are some that easily come to mind.

So after years of encouraging, kissing, hugging and loving on practically every child in the near vacinity of the two of them, both personally and professionally; baptizing kids, and dedicating babies; and praying for and laying hands on children made vulnerable by poverty both nationally and internationally, Jesus has blessed them with a lovely granddaughter--First Grandbaby Lillian. Her mother is First Daughter, Lauren Smith Elrod.
Herein lies the dilemma of the new titles. Will the good doctor become 'PaPa', 'PawPaw', Grandpa, or Granddaddy? Will Lady Susan be referred to as Nana, Granny, Grandma, Grandmother, or G.G. aka Gorgeous Granny?
A Rose by any other name would smell just as sweet and grandparents--whatever they are called by adorable grandchildren would be just as blessed.
The Churchy One